Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
