saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
