it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
