Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
