when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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