bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
