I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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