Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
