i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
