woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
