grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize