I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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