lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we should paint friendship bongs
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