Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
