Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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