:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
