White coat. Heels.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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