Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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