Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
