Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
