I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
