i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
