glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
