i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
