I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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