he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
