We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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