Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
