I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We need to get me chipped asap
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
