Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
