my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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