I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
