My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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