She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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