Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
