What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
