So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
