just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
