Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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