Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
