I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
