Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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