Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
