Do you still have your period?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
