My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
