No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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