Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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