Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
