this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
