My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
