I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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