I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
