apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize