he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
