I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As shirtless as possible
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
