This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
