Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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