apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
