Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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