You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize