I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The Olympian is in my bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
