if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Houston, we have a blender
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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