Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
