my sisters under your porch take her home
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
