Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i've created a new STD.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
