how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This baby is an asshole
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
