If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is Oprah even human
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
