$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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