what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize