I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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