...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
