You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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