His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
