God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
