evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dear god my vagina.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
