why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
