Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
