he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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