My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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