So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
