There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How's work?
Spinning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
