so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize