i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
