Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
