you traded sex for a burrito?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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