Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
