shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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