he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
