walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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