I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
