Can i not drive my cunt home
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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