I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's always time for handjobs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
