the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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