that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
