You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
