you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I checked into jail on foursquare
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
