Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
